I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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