This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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