Barsexuality is the new black.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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