Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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