i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
