Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
