Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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