a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
now i know why i became what i already was.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
