I feel great
I just peed on a car
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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