my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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