wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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