Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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