strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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