dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
