and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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