I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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