I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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