U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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