This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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