somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
