you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
