It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
