I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ttyl tear gas
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
