How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
time to smoke my breakfast
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
