who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
