Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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