I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
