We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
