it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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