is your mom at the bar?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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