i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize