I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
