I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
