just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is Oprah even human
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
