Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
