is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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