Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I deserve this hangover.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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