hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
