Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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