i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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