I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
