If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
