My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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