she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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