I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
