Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
