On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
