Dual....:-)
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
