Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
