I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
