That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
