Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
