He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
