Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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