my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
