tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
