He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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