he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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