I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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