i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
