I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
