Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
