I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
