Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
