maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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