Dude my mom stole all your condoms
where am i from again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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