I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize