yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
