Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize