What a fucking waste of an outfit
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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