Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
