Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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