my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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