"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
