are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
did you just send me my own nude
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
