Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
