Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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