She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
