i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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