One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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