When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I bet he comes in French.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
