No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
