Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
