You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
