Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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