Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
