I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
