Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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