the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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