oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
