Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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