Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
