Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
