he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
