My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
