It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
