there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
