She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
